


One Last Time.

by etherealeiji



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst sorry not sorry, Character Death, Flowers, Hanahaki AU, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Primrose flower, Sad, Sad Ending, Tsukkiyama Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:46:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25911562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etherealeiji/pseuds/etherealeiji
Summary: “I love you Tsukishima Kei.”He wished he could hear him say it. He wished he could tell him he loved him too,one last time.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 78





	One Last Time.

Yamaguchi sat noiselessly, his back against the gym's wall. He traced circles with his finger on the cool floor while his mind was overflowing. ' _How pathetic_ ', he thought. ' _Everyone is practicing so hard, and here I am. Doing nothing._ ' He gazed up towards the practice game that was occurring as he was lost in thought, and his eyes fell upon him, the gleaming warmth in Yamaguchi’s life.  
Tsukishima Kei.  
Yamaguchi's thoughts came to a total stop as he watched Tsukishima. Like time itself, had simply ceased. He found himself in reverence, a common feeling he was consumed by when it came to Tsukishima. Yamaguchi followed his every move, the way he watched the ball with his sharp and skilled eyes, behind them laid fiery intuition. The way he jumped to block, perfectly timed, perfectly elegant. His fingers as they met the ball. Every movement had Yamaguchi in a daze. In moments like this, the freckled boy found himself understanding just how far he'd fallen in love.

**-**

Yamaguchi stole glimpses at the tall blonde as they walked wordlessly together. He knew he was being too obvious but he was enticed by Tsukishima in a way he had never felt before. The green-haired boy tried to calm himself down, his heart hammering at an unhealthy pace. ‘ _You're driving me mad without even knowing it, Tsukki._ ’ Yamaguchi thought fondly to himself, a smile creeping onto his face. "What are you smiling about?", Tsukishima said, abruptly breaking the silence.  
Alarmed, Yamaguchi stumbled on his words, "Oh! Nothing!" "Huh, weird", Tsukishima replied nonchalantly. Yamaguchi turned away, hiding his reddening cheeks, his chest constricting. It almost took his breath away, the sudden tightness in his lungs. Tears pricked in the corner of his eyes, his body’s reaction to the almost painful sensation. Yamaguchi blinked to get rid of them as swiftly as possible. He breathed deeply, sensing a newfound feeling of unease making a home in his tummy. The weight eased with each breath, he was able to ignore it now, but it never went away entirely.

Yamaguchi arrived home, quickly greeting his parents before heading to his room. He plopped onto his bed, rolling over so he lay on his back. He stared at the ceiling, but not truly seeing it. Rather, he was seeing his memories of today, his recollections of Tsukki. He had looked exceptionally beautiful that day. Yamaguchi wondered what it would be like to hold his hands, calloused, rough, and big. His mind strayed further, what would it be like to kiss him? To feel Tsukishima’s delicate lips upon his own, melting together in a sweet harmony of emotion and rapture. As Yamaguchi fondly created scenarios in his imagination, the pressure from before returned.

It was tighter this time, it felt aggressive. Like a hand squeezing his lungs, close to collapsing them. Like his lungs were nothing, defenseless and feeble under its grasp. An irritation he couldn't relieve, he laid a hand on his chest, pressing firmly. He needed this uncomfortable feeling to go away, but the pressure was expanding and the pain was filling him up. Trying in any way to make it stop, Yamaguchi coughed, hoping some of the tightness would be expelled with it. Instead, terror washed over him. The metallic taste of blood, not a familiar taste, but certainly one you can’t forget. It swirled in his mouth and throat, it was gross and Yamaguchi resented it. Though, like dominos, the one innocent cough had brought a fit of ugly and harsh coughing. It was like something was inside his throat, something clambering to escape. Yamaguchi gagged and wheezed, unable to take in any satisfying amount of air. With one final, particularly vile cough, his air pipe was suddenly clear. But instead of relief, horror slithered its way into Yamaguchi’s veins and spread like wildfire.

Yamaguchi slumped to his knees, his hands clammy and shaky. He gawked at the floor. Blood, too much blood. Brilliantly red. In the alarmingly large puddle was blood-stained petals. Small, pale, so fragile that a singular touch would destroy them. This couldn't be real, this type of thing simply didn't happen. Especially not to Yamaguchi, who always thought of his life and himself as utterly and totally mediocre. No, this is something you saw in an art gallery. A sad piece about love that was destined to die. But there it was, right in front of him. Yamaguchi didn't know what to do, what to say. He could only stare and tremble. He knew what this meant, though he was not ready for it. Not at all. Tears formed, pooling in his eyes. He ripped his gaze from the mess on the floor, looking up and blinking rapidly. He didn't want to cry if he cried it would make it real. He didn't want it to be real, he wanted to pretend like this was a dream, some sick, awful dream. But of course, it wasn't a dream. Within a few short moments, Yamaguchi's fears had become his reality, and now he had to live it.

**-**

Yamaguchi waited anxiously in the waiting room of the hospital. His knee bounced uncontrollably, he picked at the skin around his nails. Nervousness pitted in his stomach, he felt sick. Yamaguchi’s attention was caught by a doctor calling his name, ushering him to follow her. She led him down some hallways, every one of them looked the same. Yamaguchi never did like hospitals.

Yamaguchi felt a lump in his throat, all-consuming uneasiness residing in his very bones. The doctor wore a small, sympathetic smile. “Alright. The samples you sent in were tested, and the results came back…” Yamaguchi took a sharp inhale. “Positive for Hanahaki Disease. I’m very sorry.” A ringing in Yamaguchi’s ear became noticeable. He didn’t quite hear the last part of what she said. Everything stopped moving, Yamaguchi had stopped in time. An odd blur covered his eyes. Everything sounded muffled, distant. It wasn’t until the doctor offered Yamaguchi tissues that he realised he was crying. _Ah_. “So, what does this mean for me?” Yamaguchi’s meek attempt to make his voice stable completely failed, instead his voice trembled. Trembled like the last leaf on the last tree during winter. “Hanahaki is a psychological illness, wherein the roots of some type of flower grow in the respiratory system. The type of flower varies from person to person, they usually carry some type of meaning. Hanahaki occurs when the host experiences unrequited love or the belief that said love is unrequited…” Yamaguchi wasn’t hearing her words, they were too far away. “...may require surgery.” Yamaguchi perked back up, interest suddenly back onto the doctor's words. “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?” “In some cases, the host may require surgery. To get the flowers and roots surgically removed, a blossectomy.” Yamaguchi wore an obvious look of relief, he wasn’t going to die after all! “... Although, along with removing the blossom, the feelings for the person whom you love… will also be removed.” Yamaguchi’s relief faded in an instant. No. He can’t let his feelings go that easily, he loved Tsukishima too deeply, too true for him to lose them. His love for his friend had grown part of him, similar to the flowers that resided in him. How ironic.

 _Primrose._ That was the flower that was growing inside of him. _Eternal love._ That’s the meaning they held. They repeated in Yamaguchi’s mind. His love for Tsukishima began from the very moment they met, he had only just realised this, even though it seemed painfully obvious to him now. Tsukishima Kei, anti-social, bitter, and often mean. But also beautiful, swimming with grace and elegance, intelligent, gentle, and kind. He typically hid his kindness, much to the disapproval of Yamaguchi. Tsukishima was Yamaguchi’s entire world, he was the only thing that existed. The only thing that mattered. Now more than ever.

**-**

Months passed since Yamaguchi’s diagnosis. He had gotten eerily good at hiding his illness, his excuses improving too. He was ashamed and scared, scared that his team, his friends would find out. He couldn't burden them with this, he didn't want to worry them. The loneliness did eat away at him, more than he would like to admit. Playing volleyball was getting progressively harder, Yamaguchi felt himself weaken with every passing day. Every time he woke, another piece of him stayed asleep and died.

After practice, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi walked together to the clubrooms. Yamaguchi was overly conscious of Tsukishima’s presence, like always. They made idle chit chat, talking about nothing that really mattered. It occurred to Yamaguchi that maybe he was wasting his time. Surprised by the pessimistic intrusion, he shoved the passing thought down and away. They reached the door and Yamaguchi gasped softly, he felt a rising feeling in his throat. Not again, this was the third time this week. Why was it getting worse? Tsukishima looked back to Yamaguchi, who stood grasping the door frame, lingering behind. “You okay?” Tsukishima asked. “Mhm!” Was all Yamaguchi could manage. He pointed in the general direction of the bathrooms and made an apologetic face. Tsukishima merely nodded, oblivious to the real reason for his emergency bathroom trip.

Yamaguchi wiped the corners of his mouth, making sure not to leave any blood, any trace behind. A quick splash of water to refresh himself, then he was out the door. He ran toward the gate of the school where he saw Tsukishima’s tall, slender figure. He raised his hand, ready to call out to him as he approached. “See you soon, Kuroo.” The words caught inside Yamaguchi’s throat before a single sound could escape. He watched as the blonde boy hung up the phone and turned as he noticed Yamaguchi’s presence. “Who was that?” Yamaguchi said it with a smile, a fake one, but Tsukishima didn’t need to know that. “Nekoma’s captain, you know the guy I practiced with a few times? We became friends I guess, I’m seeing him on Saturday. More practice.” Tsukishima said it simply. Having not a single idea how much those words crushed Yamaguchi. “Oh… Saturday, weren’t we going to hang out at my place?” Yamaguchi kept his voice void of emotion. “Oh, I forgot. Can we reschedule?” “Of course!” Yamaguchi put on his very best mask and smiled at his friend. " _I forgot"_. He didn’t know hearing those two plain words would hurt this much.

Yamaguchi had spent their walk home in concealed agony. He didn’t dare to talk, didn’t dare to risk a single petal to escape. He made it home and the flood gates opened. It was never-ending, the blood stung his nose and his tongue was slick with that taste of metal he had come to despise. Petals after petals, the sink was painted a disgustingly beautiful red. Petals were not the only thing Yamaguchi was coughing up now. Leaves and pollen too. The flowers were growing, they were consuming him, taking over his body and claiming him as their own. His pale skin was stained, he hated it. He looked so helpless, so weak. When he looked in the mirror, a face worthy of only pity stared back. Yamaguchi reached his limit. He sobbed, broken by gasps. A full breath was rare these days, now even half a shallow breath was a labour filled struggle. Even harder between cries, wheezes, and the Primrose’s that filled his lungs. Every flower that grew replaced a part of him, he was losing more and more of himself. He wondered what would remain.

**-**

Yamaguchi was growing ever weaker, and along with it, his tiredness grew. He was so exhausted. He was giving up, feeling he had fought long enough. Secretly wanting the inevitable end to come just a little bit quicker. The only thing that kept him going was his only light, the bright colours in a dull monochrome world, who he had been watching all practice. Hinata and Kageyama sat across from him, complaining about the homework recently assigned to them. Yamaguchi had forgotten what it was like to worry over such trivial things. He tuned out of the conversation slightly, admittedly a bad habit he had gained. He watched Tsukishima, a few meters away. He drank from a water bottle, sweat rolling down his neck. Even covered in perspiration, he was so effortlessly gorgeous. Yamaguchi felt a pang in his stomach as he remembered how he had blown him off. _"I forgot"_. He still remembered those words, he could hear them vividly. He felt the too-familiar tightening of his chest. He needed an excuse, now. He got up, in a slight panic. It was getting too tight too fast, what was happening? He decided just to run to the bathroom and explain later. But as he passed Tsukishima and made a beeline to the door, everything spun. His eyes unfocused and it was like the entire world had begun to tilt. Yamaguchi stumbled, managing to stay afoot. He could do this, he just needs to get to the bathroom. It was no use, his vision was fading and he lost all balance. He heard a few muffled shouts, but couldn't make any attempt to respond. Instead, he let himself slip into comforting unconsciousness. ‘ _This isn’t so bad._ ’ Yamaguchi thought.

Yamaguchi awoke to a bright artificial light that attacked his senses. The smell intruded next, the familiarity helped him to connect the dots immediately. He darted his eyes around the room, falling onto the only other person in the room. A head of grey silver hair, buried into a book. Sugawara? Suga noticed Yamaguchi stir and gasped happily, putting down his book and rushing over to him. “Sugawara? Why am I here?” Suga’s smile disappeared and was replaced by concern. “You passed out Yamaguchi.” Yamaguchi had no response to that. “You’re… sick aren't you Tadashi?” Sugawara was cautious, his voice soft. Yamaguchi couldn’t respond, he could only nod. If he spoke the lump in his throat would escape, along with the tears. They sat in silence for a few moments while Yamaguchi regained composure. “It’s… Hanahaki.” Yamaguchi’s voice cracked. “For… Tsukishima, right?” “Yeah.” It came out as only a whisper. Suga was understanding, so he reached out his hand to take Yamaguchi’s. He patted the back of his hand to comfort him. His eyes were sincere and to Yamaguchi, they said “ _It’s going to be okay Tadashi._ ” He wanted nothing more than to believe that.

Yamaguchi was set to be discharged tomorrow. Suga had told him that the others didn’t know about his disease, they all thought it was from stress. Yamaguchi was relieved, both that the majority of the team (especially Tsukishima) still were none the wiser but also that Suga had noticed. Perhaps he was not so alone anymore. He was gazing out the window when he heard shuffling at his room’s door. It was the doctor who had first broken the news to him. He watched her curiously as she shuffled through some papers. She seemed to have finished with them as she looked up to Yamaguchi. “Hello again.” Her warm smile was comforting, reassuring. Yamaguchi nodded politely. “So, I think you already know why you passed out. Your illness is getting much worse. It seems you only have one option left.” Yamaguchi didn’t speak. He didn't want to hear her say it. He didn't want to know it. He just wanted to keep acting like it wasn't going to come to this. "I’m afraid all we can do now is perform a blossectomy, which fortunately have very high success rates.” Yamaguchi almost flinched but did well at hiding it. “And if I don't?” He questioned. “You will die.” She said it so plainly it winded Yamaguchi like a punch in the stomach. “How long? Until it kills me?” “2 weeks at most.” A strangled cry left his mouth. 2 weeks. 14 days. That was nothing. That was no time at all. But he couldn’t get rid of the flowers, they would take away his love along with them. He couldn’t bear to lose that, the love so deeply rooted in his soul that it became part of him. The doctor left, as to give Yamaguchi some privacy. Yamaguchi broke down, he had 14 days left. That was all.

-

Yamaguchi spent the next three days thinking about his death. 11 days, that's all he had left, if he was lucky. He was utterly, completely, and totally terrified. He knew that this was the right choice, he knew that removing it wasn’t an option. But he was still scared, scared to have to say goodbye to his life, his family, his friends. He would have to say goodbye to Tsukishima. It was all coming to an end. Having already wasted so much time and not wanting to waste any more of what little he had left, he felt a newfound sense of determination. He was done grieving over himself, he was going to use the rest of his days with the one thing that made him whole. Which is funny, since he was simultaneously the one thing that was causing the flowers to eat away at him, creating just... emptiness.

Yamaguchi spent every possible waking minute with Tsukishima. The taller one found it odd that Yamaguchi was suddenly so clingy, but went along with it. Because really, he didn't hate the time he spent with Yamaguchi. They did everything, every single whim that popped into Yamaguchi’s head. They visited museums, ate ice cream in the park, stargazed on the roof of Yamaguchi’s home, and just talked. They talked so much. More than they ever have in such a short amount of time. They talked about things that matter, things that don’t. Deep stuff and shallow stuff. It didn’t matter to Yamaguchi, anytime with Tsukishima was precious. But the times he wasn't with him... when he was left alone with his thoughts, those were the times he would let out all the pain he was hiding. By crying, vomiting more petals, or just staring at the sky, awaiting his demise. The fear had only grown, but Yamaguchi was accepting his fate more and more. _Any day now..._

-

It was the 12th day after Yamaguchi was discharged. He was extremely frail and weak, coughing up blood and blossoms between every single breath. They were nearing full flowers, it was agonizing to breathe. Every inhale hurt and not a single exhale relieved any pain. He had not seen Tsukishima in 2 days, he didn’t want him to see him like this. But Yamaguchi was impatient and he could feel time slipping away from him like it was a tangible thing. He called Tsukishima and asked him to meet him at their special place. A big tree with a small bench tucked away under it. It was hidden by buildings and took much effort to reach. Yamaguchi arrived first, and took a seat on the bench, out of breath. A common feeling. Tsukishima arrived shortly after, wearing a look of mild concern.

Yamaguchi felt his eyes well at the sight of the love of his life standing before him, this could very well be the last time they speak. He needed to tell him, while he still could. Tsukishima noticed the tears forming in the shorter male's eyes and worry filled him. He hated seeing him cry, it hurt. Even more concerning was Yamaguchi’s shirt, white and loose, hanging off his shoulder and covered in blood. “Yamaguchi? What's-” “Tsukki. I have a few things to tell you.” Tsukishima was taken aback by his sudden assertiveness, but complied. “Okay…” Yamaguchi took a deep inhale, filling his flower engrossed lungs as best he could. “Tsukki. I have Hanahaki Disease.” Tsukishima, confused, began to speak but Yamaguchi raised his hand to shush him for now, he needed all the time he could get. “I’m dying… because I refused the surgery. I have less than 2 days left at best. The one I love… is you… Tsukishima Kei.” “I am horribly, madly in love with you. I didn't tell you sooner, probably because I was scared. I'm still scared. I'm so scared, Tsukki.” The tears gushed down Yamaguchi’s face. He had to choke the words out, it was getting so hard to breathe. It was happening already, his time was up.

“Yamaguchi… what are you saying?” Tsukishima’s words were desperate and confused. “In your backpack, there's a letter. Read it… when I'm gone.” “Gone? What do you mean gone? Shut up, Yamaguchi! You're not going anywhere.” Tsukishima’s voice was wobbly and his eyes were glassy. He didn’t want to accept this, he couldn’t. “Sorry, Tsukki…” It was then that Yamaguchi fell to his knees, hands grasping at his throat. “HEY! YAMAGUCHI PLEASE.” Tsukishima fell to the ground with him, catching him in his arms before Yamaguchi could fall backward onto his back. Tsukishima watched in horror as blood trickled from Yamaguchi's lips, petals filling his mouth relentlessly. Never slowing, never ceasing. Tsukishima bowed his head, forehead pressed against Yamaguchi’s shoulder. “... Please, Yamaguchi…” “Lift your head, let me look at you Tsukki. One last time.” The words were sad, soft, and barely a whisper. Tsukishima lifted his head and his eyes met Yamaguchi’s. Yamaguchi’s eyes swam with the deepest, truest love. The green-haired boy knew right then that he made the right decision, how could he have ever removed this feeling. This warm, wonderful feeling. Like ecstasy running through his veins. Like the most beautiful fireworks in his heart. His love for Tsukishima was all he needed, that love had become him.

“Tadashi... I love you too. So don't go, please stay with me.” Tsukishima sobbed, glasses askew, clutching at Yamaguchi. Clutching like it could somehow stop Yamaguchi from reaching his end. Yamaguchi’s eyes turned into half-moon crescents, the smile didn’t reach his lips. Those words were utter bliss. He wanted to tell Tsukishima how happy they made him, how they made his heart glow. But it was too late. Yamaguchi wheezed and sputtered, struggling to find a way to get the air he so desperately needed, the air to keep him alive. He couldn’t. The flowers had taken him over, they had become him. With a flourish, a tragically pretty Primrose crept out of his lips. And he was gone.

…..

**One month later**

Tsukishima hadn’t been living the past month. He was just existing, moving day by day with no purpose. Floating. It hadn’t quite hit him that Yamaguchi was gone yet. It seemed to have hit everyone else, everyone but him. His parents shut themselves away, the volleyball club was temporarily closed out of respect, even the students who didn't even know him, the real him, placed flowers and gifts on his desk. But Tsukishima didn’t do anything. He didn't even cry. It's not that he didn't want to, it was that he simply couldn't. They never came, not one single tear stained his fair skin. Maybe because to him, it didn't feel real. Yamaguchi wasn't actually gone. He was going to pop his head around some corner and bug him like he always did, right? That's what he wanted, that's what Tsukishima continued to convince himself.

On a particularly gloomy day, another full of nothingness, Tsukishima dug into his bag to find his homework. He wasn't particularly eager to do it, but it wasn't like he had anything better to do. He needed something, anything to take his mind off the green eyes that were ravaging his thoughts. He reached his hand in his bag, feeling around for the familiar paper. He had thought he'd found it, instead, he pulled out a soft yellow envelope, with the words “Tsukishima Kei” written in messy handwriting on it. _His handwriting_. Tsukishima’s breath hitched. He had forgotten, again. With shaky and careful hands, he opened the envelope and unfolded the letter. He could almost hear the written words in Yamaguchi’s voice, the voice he so dearly missed.

_Dear Tsukki,_

_It's 9 days after I got discharged from the hospital. I’m getting worse, I can feel it. I know that when the time comes, I might not be able to tell you everything I need you to know. So here it is._

_I love you Tsukishima Kei. I love you with every part of me. I love you so much that it's killing me._

_Each person with Hanahaki, their flowers hold some meaning. My flowers are Primroses. They mean eternal love. Even when I’m gone, even if you forget me, my love for you will last forever. It will live on, always. And that love was part of me. So that piece of me, undoubtedly the most important piece… I’ll leave it with you._

_I owe all my happiness to you Tsukki._  
_I know that if anyone could have saved me, it would've been you._

_Goodbye, my ever-lasting love._

_Yamaguchi Tadashi_

Tsukishima cried, he finally found the means to release everything that had been building up inside of him. It hurt, it was like the worst possible torture that he couldn't escape. It really hit him this time, fully, completely, and without warning. Yamaguchi Tadashi was gone. It ripped through him, tearing him apart without any mercy. It was a feeling he had never experienced before, a feeling he was in no way prepared for. Not that you could prepare for that type of agony. It was as if something inside of him, something that was once pulled so tight, had finally broken. Sobs and strings of unintelligible words escaped him, caused him to shake, lost in the pure pain and hurt. He had been too late.

_“I love you Tsukishima Kei.”_

He wished he could hear him say it. He wished he could tell him he loved him too, one last time.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!! : ]
> 
> This is my first ever fanfic that I've bothered to fully complete and publish. This fic is pretty sad, at least I think so hehe. It was a lot of work to write but I'm happy with how it came out. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed and all feedback is welcome (but go easy on me hehe) !!


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